This is why current trends such as declining birthrates, delayed and declining marriage numbers, and growing numbers of single-parent families should concern citizens of all communities and ideological spectrums.[2] For Christians, we recognize and celebrate marriage and family—including children—as gifts from God and part of his original design for the flourishing of his world. And, as citizens, we do well to recognize and celebrate marriage and families as good for our neighborhoods and the long-term well-being of our communities.
Second, families are the first arena of formation for children. Here they learn how to govern emotions, curb unhealthy appetites, navigate conflict, submit to authority, win, lose, share, and much more. As children then branch into schools, sports teams, and work environments, the lessons they have begun to learn at home—both from experience and by observation of parents and siblings—help them as they further learn to navigate the world. For Christians, this formative arena serves as a microcosm of the kingdom of God, a place where the cross-shaped life is modeled and practiced, children submit to parents, and parents submit to Jesus. The age span of 0-19 is widely cited as the most formative period of a person’s intellectual, moral, and behavioral development;[3] may our families thus serve as our first disciple-making priority, as arenas of formation, where we teach our children not merely to walk and talk, but to do so in the way of Jesus.
Such a view of the world postures us, then, to support policies and practices that favor two-parent heterosexual families as God intended, participate in foster and adoption services, encourage teenagers to prepare now for marriage and family, and oppose any such policies and practices that undermine the integrity of this most foundational building block of society.
The Way of Christ Promotes Order and Equality in Family
From a distinctly Christian perspective, families are designed by God with order and equality. Order is reflected in husbands who lead the home with love, humility, and gentleness pointed toward Jesus, and uphold an orderliness of life and love in the household. Husbands and fathers do well to lead in provision, protection, and peacefulness for the family, though this need not be assumed as their sole responsibility. Moreover, husbands and fathers are responsible to ensure the family prioritizes God and the church as an organizing principle for how time and money is spent, what is deemed as virtue versus vice, and for acknowledging a certain order of authority with Jesus as the head of the home.
Some will hear this as a picture of family from a by-gone era. Yet, I would suggest this is a timeless biblical imagination of the family as designed by God to form virtuous citizens who love him and bless their neighbors. Some will interpret this as a top-down, heavy-handed picture of husbands and fathers. On the contrary, what I am describing situates husbands and fathers as lead servants of the home, never the demanding drill sergeant.
Equality is recognized in at least two ways. First, wives and mothers are ontological equals to husbands and fathers. There are differences in roles and function between husbands and wives and fathers and mothers but not in worth or value before God. Second, all members of the family bear the image of God and deserve respect as such. These are also timeless, biblical truths that have not always been taught well in conservative and Christian circles. Yet, a proper teaching of order in the home is balanced with a proper equality between men and women, and recognition of the intrinsic God-imaging dignity of all persons, male and female, adults and children.
Sometimes roles between husbands/wives, fathers/mothers are informed by cultural norms concerning parenting approaches, employment decisions, household tasks, etc. And, insofar as these are best for God-honoring order within the family and not unduly burdensome or demanding, cultural norms can be helpful and should not be viewed as intrinsically right or wrong. But Christian families are not first normed by culture. As a cross-shaped mini-communities, families begin with love for God and neighbor in that order, recognizing that the family’s first neighbors are one another. Thus, when the cultural norms prove unhelpful, even harmful, for a family, then the Great Commandment demands reconsideration and renewed practices.
Much more can and should be said concerning husband-wife and parent-child relationships, about which I’ve written elsewhere. For now, suffice it to say that these relationships are intrinsically good as designed by God, and offer countless opportunities to express a Christ-like, sacrificial love for others.
Beyond Biology—The Church as Family
Family imagery and vocabulary applies to the Church as much as to biological relationships. I am often struck by how deep family imagery runs in Scripture as applied to the “family of God.” From as early as Deuteronomy 32:6, God is recognized both as a creator and Father who formed his people for himself. Then, more than 160 times Jesus refers to God as “Father,” even teaching his followers to begin their prayers with “Our Father.”
The family imagery is deepened with the recognition of Jesus as the groom and the Church as his bride (Matt. 9:15, Eph. 5:25-27, Rev. 19:7). The apostles and early Christians readily refer to one another as brothers and sisters with a depth of meaning that supersedes even their biological relations (Luke 14:26, Gal. 6:10). Moreover, becoming part of this family is explained in terms of “new birth” and “adoption”, and among the most central features of this family is the practice of cleansing (baptism) and a meal (eucharist/supper)—both common practices for families of all times and places.
This does not exclude the unmarried in our midst, some of whom are God-called to a life of singleness. While for most, the norm will be marriage, God calls some to singleness for the sake of more dedicated service to the Lord. Both Jesus and Paul speak of this with utmost fondness and sincerity, even as a “gift” in 1 Cor. 7:7 (Matt. 19:10-12, 1 Cor. 7). For those who are called to such a station, may the family of God recognize their gift as God-given and God-honoring rather than a “problem” to be fixed. And may we surround them with all the love and support that a family is designed to provide for its members. Additionally, may the singles in our midst model a single-minded devotion to Christ with all holiness and purity to inspire the rest of the family toward greater love and good deeds for the Kingdom of God.
Of all the metaphors God may have used to illustrate his relationship to his people, he chose family. For all that might be taken from this, let it first sober us to the high view that God has for family, and how impactful the structure of family is for society, for the Church, and even into eternity where the children of God celebrate the Son to the glory of God the Father forever.[4]
God our Father, Christ our Brother
This leads finally to the reminder that woven into the very logic of our salvation is that in the Incarnation, God who became man in Jesus, serves not only as our Savior, but our bridegroom and brother so that we might become children of God. In other words, the eternal Son became one of us so that we could become sons and daughters of God. This truth offers hope and healing for the most broken families, the most wounded and lonely children, and the most abandoned and abused spouses. Jesus became for us bridegroom and brother so that we may know eternal belonging in God’s family and take eternal comfort in his love.
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