Being a seasoned middle school teacher, I did not react negatively. Ignoring the alarm bells in my mind, I inquired about how she came to that conclusion. I reminded her that Jesus cared about many people whose lifestyles he disagreed with. I assured her that we loved her “no matter what.”
Recently, the percentage of middle school girls “coming out” as transexual males has skyrocketed. Girls are told that if they are depressed or have problems, it is because they were born in the wrong body. Counselors, teachers, and friends tell them that taking hormones and having surgeries to “affirm” their “real” gender will solve their problems.
That day in 2021 was the worst day of my life. Our daughter had been lured into what we now call the transgender cult. We use the term “cult” intentionally. Cults indoctrinate their members to believe that anyone who doesn’t actively support their worldview is evil. In this cult, no one is allowed to raise concerns or questions. People who regret having sex change surgery are bullied. This controversial topic is not going away anytime soon. We need to educate ourselves about this trend and discuss what the Bible says about it.
First of all, recognize that God does not make mistakes. He lovingly chose the sex of each child when he created him or her. Psalm 139:13-16 tells us that God makes each person skillfully and plans out each child’s life before they are born. Instead of arguing about how and why transgender ideology is unbiblical, which it is, I have learned to showcase God’s original plan. God made humans male and female on purpose, and he encouraged them to be fruitful and multiply within the bonds of marriage.
Second, when speaking with gender dysphoric individuals, that is, those with confusion about gender, do so lovingly. As a parent of such a child, I want her to know that her dad and I love her more than anyone else in the world, even though we disagree with her. Transgender advocates claim that parents who disagree with their kids don’t love them. They say loving parents must “affirm” their child’s “true identity.” Christian parents who follow the Bible are labeled as transphobic. Children in such families are encouraged to distance themselves from their religious, “toxic” parents. The good news is that children can tell when someone truly loves them—when someone would be willing to die for them. Kids usually listen to those they perceive as loving them most. So, keep that relationship with your children strong. Without agreeing, hold fast to biblical truth and ask God for help demonstrating love to the child. Find out what makes the child feel most loved and demonstrate unconditional care every day.
It has been four years since our daughter informed us that she was our “son.” By God’s grace, she has made significant strides toward accepting who God created her to be. My husband’s advice for Christian parents dealing with this issue is to pray. We have gotten our child all the medical, psychological, and spiritual help that we can. And yet, prayer is the only meaningful tool for change. In 2 Corinthians 3, Paul speaks of those whose minds are blinded, who have difficulty accepting the truth about God. Prayer is our first and last recourse in all situations. Only God can change a heart. Thankfully, we serve a God who is mighty to save.
Although it may seem like the most loving option, never affirm gender dysphoria or feed this harmful lie. Deuteronomy 22:5 says that women should not wear men’s clothing or vice versa. The general theological principle here is that trying to look like the opposite sex is not what God intended. When children decide they are transexual, they insist on new pronouns. We felt it would be wrong to reinforce gender dysphoria by using male pronouns with our daughter. Other areas are grayer. Should kids be allowed to use alternate names, cut or grow their hair, or wear gender-neutral clothing? These decisions are best made with your pastor’s advice and an open Bible.
I also recommend that you shelter the child from evil outside influences. These include internet chat rooms, YouTube videos, “woke” TV shows, and people who encourage gender dysphoria. If a Christian school is not an option, consider homeschooling. Increase internet security, and if your child needs a phone, purchase a “dumb phone” instead of a smartphone. I cannot emphasize enough that all your child’s teachers, counselors, doctors, and friends must be grounded in the truth of God’s Word. If not, this false teaching could easily lure your child away.
Lastly, seek out godly pastors, friends, and resources. No believing parent should have to walk this terrible journey alone. Living in a liberal suburb, our family is constantly swimming upstream. Our state can take our child away from us for not providing “gender-affirming care.” Parenting these days is not for the faint of heart. As outlined in Romans 1:25, our culture has “exchanged the truth of God for the lie,” scorning God’s beautiful design of gender in Creation. Early on in this crisis, we resolved that we would not let Satan have our child. We believe that God began a good work in her and we trust that he will be faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6).
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