Men, Your Children’s and Youth Ministries Need You

For the past five years, I have worked with children in just about every capacity you can imagine.

I am currently a full-time teacher of Bible and English to high school students, but “high school students” is a somewhat misleading description of my day-to-day life. Through the broader school community, I regularly interact with students across the age spectrum. I have served in church nurseries and as a camp leader. I have tutored them, written imaginative stories and poems for them, counseled them, mentored them, pastored them, and worked in children’s mental-health facilities.

In other words, I know the territory well. And I love working with them.

Recently, I volunteered at an adoption and foster-parent night at my church. As is often the case at an event like this, many of the families already had a small army of children in tow. Before I knew it, I had been set in a nursery room with a gaggle of little ones. They decided that the best use of their evening was to tackle the jolly giant who had arrived in their midst. There were dinosaurs, trains, climbing, and at one point, I was apparently repurposed as a human tower reaching somewhere in the general direction of God.

I was delighted. But it made me wonder why something so ordinary can sometimes feel so unusual.

Be aware that suspicion exists.

We have developed a cultural instinct concerning men and children.

A man who is uncomfortable around children may be regarded as aloof or immature. Still, a man who is especially comfortable around them can sometimes receive a different kind of attention. He volunteers in the nursery, enjoys playing with toddlers, knows how to calm an upset child, and teaches Sunday school. Talking and engaging with teenagers are significant parts of his life.

Sometimes, but not always, the response is a side eye and a polite “Thanks for volunteering,” as though his willingness to be around children requires an explanation.

You should know why this suspicion exists and why some caution remains necessary. The church has a terrible history of sexual abuse and the abuse of authority, and Christians have rightly become more attentive to the vulnerability of children. Jesus himself gives us terrifyingly strong language about those who harm the vulnerable: “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck” (Matt. 18:6).

That warning should make both you and the church vigilant.

At the same time, we can establish wise safeguards without teaching ourselves to regard ordinary, godly affection from men toward children as inherently questionable. A church that protects children should absolutely have appropriate policies and clear boundaries. But neither requires us to conclude that men should keep their distance from children.

Quite the opposite. Good men are still needed in these often-overlooked ministries.

Follow the example of the Lord Jesus.

The New Testament gives us an image that ought to disrupt some of our instincts. People brought children to Jesus so that he might bless them and pray over them. The disciples apparently considered this an interruption. Jesus did not.
“Let the little children come to me,” he said, “and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:14). Then he laid his hands on them.

That is a remarkably physical picture of Christ’s welcome. He welcomed them, blessed them, and even used the occasion to teach his disciples about the kingdom of God.

Elsewhere, Jesus takes a child and places him among his disciples as an object lesson in greatness and humility (Matt. 18:1–5). The child, far from an inconvenience to be managed, is a person through whom Christ teaches adults what it means to receive the kingdom.

Children matter to Jesus; they should also matter to men in the church.

Children are a part of the Great Commission, too.

Fathers are commanded to bring their children up “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4), while Paul tells Timothy that older men are to teach younger men and older women to teach younger women (Titus 2:1–8).
There are traits that a nurturing woman can uniquely embody in a child’s life. There are also virtues a godly man uniquely embodies: morals and values only he can impart.

Children need to see a man who is strong without being frightening. They need to discover that masculinity can be gentle. They need to see that courage does not mean the absence of fear, that authority exists for service, and that strength is something you exercise on behalf of others rather than over them. Men, you can show that to them.

Children are embodied human beings growing into embodied adults. Part of discipleship is helping them understand what it means to become men and women made in the image of God. That requires them to see faithful men and faithful women living that reality.

The Importance of Ministry

The church should build ministries where abuse is difficult to hide, where authority is accountable, where children are listened to, and where adults understand the enormous responsibility involved in serving them. Christians should be among the people most serious about protecting the vulnerable. After all, we worship the God who takes the vulnerable seriously. The church should be careful about whom it entrusts with children and about what kind of men it teaches those children to expect.

The answer to the existence of wicked men is not the removal of all men from certain ministries. What these ministries, children, and churches need is the stalwart presence of more good men who model faith and godliness in honorable and healthy ways.