For kids, Band-Aids offer more than a functional way to stop bleeding. They provide a tangible expression of compassion. The bandage reminds them that grown-ups care about them and their wounds, even the smallest scrape.
Now, here is the dilemma. We want our sons to grow up to be strong, adventurous, and courageous. Scrapes and bruises mark a childhood steeped in adventure. At the same time, we want our sons to know that they are loved and that we care about their hurts and pain too.
A Tangible Expression of Compassion
My son’s fall left a mark; even the puppy tucked in his tail in worry. The Band-Aid offered nothing for the redness or the pain. We only have plain tan bandages, so they have no aesthetic value either. My wife explained how exposure to air would help it heal faster than a bandage. But that was not the problem that Knox wanted to have solved.
Knox wanted to know we cared about his pain.
I proposed a short-term approach. Knox could have a Band-Aid so that he would feel better and could keep it overnight, so nothing rubbed up against the wound.
I broke the house rule for a short time so that he would feel loved. But because I love him, he needs to know the following…
Adventures Come with Scrapes and Bruises
Kids need to play, and boys play hard. Scrapes, bruises, and X-rays are souvenirs of a childhood well-lived. My wife and I want the boys to learn toughness and grit to be strong men as they grow older. We happily watch as they blur the lines of imagination and risk in the name of growth. However, I must admit to squashing the plan to rappel down the steep attic stairs using an extension cord.
God created children for adventures. As parents, we wrestle with the tension of protection and freedom. Can we send the older boys to the playground a block over? Will they look both ways when crossing the street if we do? Not to mention, what if another parent thinks it’s negligence and calls the police?
We believe that our kids need to learn independence, and that this process will come with scrapes, self-inflicted, and puppy-caused alike. The Band-Aid rule exists because we love them and want them to grow into the men God created them to be. They need to grow up and understand that they can suffer pain, and that it will shape them into better, stronger men. We want our boys to have a tangible expression of both love and suffering. So, what do I do with the Band-Aid Dilemma?
Consider the cross.
The Cross
We all want to know the expression of love that the Band-Aid gave my five-year-old. That’s what the cross does. The cross adorns my wife’s neck, perches atop a church’s steeple, and is permanently inked on my friend’s forearm because it visually expresses the compassion of our savior. The cross resolves the dilemma of choosing between suffering and compassion because at the cross, the love of God and the justice of God intersect. 1 John 4:10 proclaims, “Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins” (CSB).
For that reason, we love the cross. Not because the cross has some power of itself, we love the cross for the image of compassion and suffering of a savior who gives us life. The cross tells us of the love of the Father. The cross proclaims the suffering of the Son. The cross assures us that the Son who died sent us the Spirit. The cross speaks to us in our pain, reminding us that we have a God who knows suffering. The cross points us to the path we have taken up, which means dying daily to ourselves and living wholly for our God.
In the end, for my kids with their scrapes and adults with bruised egos and silent pains, the cross offers a tangible reminder of the God who cares so deeply for them and sends his Son to suffer so that we can live a full life for him. That’s what I want my son to learn: not that scrapes do not hurt, but that scrapes come with a flourishing life as a child growing into a man of God.
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